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Apparently, History isn’t so Boring

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery…….if you had to do this to survive, you were “Piss Poor.”
But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot……they “didn’t have a pot to piss in” & were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500’s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell . .. .. brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the
babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water!”

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs.”

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, “Dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren’t you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer….

Jack Daniels Fishing Trip

I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.

There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.

Photobooth.net

At first I thought, “wow, they have way too much time on their hands”. Then, I realized, sadly, that I would not have stumbled across the site had I not taken the time to google photo booth locations.

The Lllamas… A Softball Team?!

So I saw this guy yesterday wearing a yellow baseball jersey with a caution sign on the front of it. In the caution sign? You guessed it. A llama.

On the back it had whatever his number was and instead of a name, it said “The Llamas”.

Anybody seen this before? And immediately think of Boofer?

Tell Me How Effing Cool This Is?!

http://gizmodo.com/5019323/dynamic-tower-skyscraper-every-floor-self+rotates-powered-by-wind-and-sun

Real Mutant Powers

I might actually have to take an interest in Marvel comics after reading this article:

http://www.cracked.com/article_16449_7-people-from-around-world-with-real-mutant-superpowers.html

E-mail Etiquette

About a year ago, a friend forwarded me one of those stupid chain e-mails that threatens me with death by a million Spider Monkey bites, or what have you. He might as well have forwarded to about 90 percent of northern Virginia, because my e-mail address has been obtained by the walking disaster that is Tracee. If you don’t know her, you can now breathe a sigh of releif.

Traycee is notorious for sending chain mail, advertisements for random parties, opinions on politics, and just about anything she finds that she thinks somebody (anybody?) might take an interest in, which would be fine and easy to ignore… if it were only her that sent them. I’ve attempted to talk her into using the “BCC” line when sending her mass communications, but my efforts have been to no avail.

Today, I log in to my Yahoo! account to find 50 messages from her and other people originally included in the “To:” line of her original e-mail. 50 messages!!

Naturally, I reply to all and ask that I please be removed from their responses because, frankly, I don’t even know who they are. Immediately following, I get a reply from another stranger in her address book saying “please remove me as well”. Idiots.

Today in Weird News:

Typically, I’d only pick one story to share, bu these were all too good:

[quote]

Woman charged with hitting police horse

AUSTIN, Texas (UPI) — A Texas woman has been charged with assaulting a police officer and his horse during a scuffle outside an Austin bar.

Corsha Beasley, 21, was being held in lieu of $30,000 bail, the Austin American-Statesman reported.

Police responding to a 911 call were trying to break up a crowd outside the Bayou Lounge early Sunday. Beasley allegedly refused to move and instead took off a shoe and used it to hit Dusty, the police horse, near his left eye.

When the officer tried to grab the shoe to keep Beasley from hitting the horse, she allegedly hit him in the face as well.

Beasley faces a second-degree felony charge, interfering with a police service animal, and a third-degree felony, assault on a police officer.[/quote]

[quote]

Air guitarists jam in Seattle
SEATTLE (UPI) — Costumed performers, including an undercover Microsoft employee, gathered sans instruments in Seattle to compete in the U.S. Air Guitar Championships tour.

The Jose Cuervo-sponsored event at Chop Suey involved air guitar devotees strumming along to music without actual guitars as part of the 24-stop tour aimed at creating a Team USA air guitar team to compete in Finland in August, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported Tuesday.

“Some people have football season — I have air guitar season,” said Garth Donald, a youth-shelter worker and air guitar veteran. He said the skill requires “years and years, and beers and beers” to perfect.

However, some performers said they had less pride in their chosen performance art.

One performer, “Red Hot,” identified himself as a Microsoft employee. He said he did not want to give his real name because he feared what coworkers might think of his hobby.

“I’ve only been here two weeks — I want to have a career or something,” he said.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International
[/quote]

So that’s why John and Crystal bought those plane tickets to Seattle!

[quote]‘WTF’ plate on N.C. DMV Web site
RALEIGH, N.C. (UPI) — The North Carolina Division of Motor Vehicles says it did not realize a sample license plate on its Web site bore letters that stand for a vulgar phrase.

State officials offered free replacement license plates in 2007 to nearly 10,000 people whose plates bore the letter combination “WTF,” which is common text messaging shorthand for a phrase that includes a four-letter profanity beginning with the letter “F,” The (Raleigh, N.C.) News & Observer reported Tuesday.

However, the DMV discovered this week that a plate bearing the letters appears on its Web site as an example of a personalized plate.

“I can’t believe it,” DMV Commissioner Bill Gore said. “Obviously, I didn’t know it was there.”

Officials said Monday the image should be replaced on the Web site within the next day.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International[/quote]

Conventional

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of

America Convention in Boston. ”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my
personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “One popular myth, is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein , but my friends call me Bubba.”

Beware of "Light Show"

I received confirmation from a friend with ABC that there is to be a red and blue themed light show tonight in the west Springfield area between 12 and 3 am. I’m guessing they’ll hit up the usual spot in front of St. Bernadette’s.

If your planning a Friday night happy hour, better cab it home.



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