I had some trouble/quetion with my FiOS bill the other day. While I was logged on to MyVerizon I looked for some Live/Online help. After about 5-6 links that randomly took me to other links, I found it.

Chat Subject: FiOS Billing Question
Your Question: I was double charged for my FiOS Internet this month. $74 instead of $37.
A Verizon eCenter Representative will be with you shortly. Thank you. (17:19:20)
17:28:46 We apologize for the delay.You are next in the line. A representative will be with you shortly.

OK. Cool. I’ll just wait here and do other things, rather than pressing a phone to the side of my head, that usually cause sweaty ear syndrome. Plus there’s this nifty little countdown of what place I was in queue. Looks like Verizon has got it’s shit together. Can you hear me now? Ha, ha! Oh hum, lets continue, shall we?

Agent Patricia has joined. (17:28:56)
Patricia : Chat ID for this session is <some randomly generated number>. (17:28:56)

Sweet, an agent. Took almost ten minutes but it’s 5PM. I assume they might be a tad bit busy around this time of day. Annnnd, a minute rolls by. Not a peep. So, I give this pick-up line a whirl.

Boofer(17:30:13): hello?

Smooth aren’t I? Meh, I got nothing. Not until 20 more seconds later at least. Then I get this…

Patricia (17:30:33): Hello. Thank you for visiting our chat service. I will be happy to help you today. Do you have your account number please and I will be happy to check for you.

Well, that didn’t looked scripted. It must be Patricia’s first day on the job. Still getting use to that fancy keyboard. Damn you, QWERTY!

Boofer(17:30:50): <some stupid assigned number given to me a long time ago>
Patricia(17:32:41): One moment while I check for you.

Hey! She was paying attention this time. I mean, Hey! Tow minutes later she was paying attention this time.

Now, she’s going to “check for me”. Translation: she’s going to close out all those pesky windows that hide the desktop, since that’s the true way to navigate an operating system, and then double click that “billing program” icon like twelve times. If at first it doesn’t succeed, try, try again. And again. And again. That’s how computers work. If it looks like it’s doing nothing, you’re correct, it isn’t. Click, asset, repeat. I should write “Help Desk Support for Dummies”.

Looking back, I guess it all makes sense now. When people use to ask, “Wow, got enough windows open?” Umm, yea, I’m using them. It’s called multitasking. I listed it on my resume and everything. Well, I mean, it makes perfect sense to close out your browser window to get to the desktop to re-open your browser to view a different website. OK, Patricia’s back.

Patricia(17:35:56): I have checked your bills and last month you were billed for February 13th thru march 12. This month you were billed March 13th thru April 12th and April 13th thru May 12th. I can align you bill cycles so you will receive 30 billing at a time for future billing.
Patricia(17:36:33): In February you had no internet charges on your bill.

Honestly. I didn’t even bother to read or make sense of her first I.M. there. I hate doing mid month math. It even throws me when I’m watching Judge Judy and they talk about time frames. Just tell me the starting date and duration. I’ll do the math at a later date if necessary. Then I read her second I.M. I kinda remember getting away with something like that but I never bragged about it. So, I had to go double check her accusation.

Boofer(17:39:42): and I was charged twice in Jan?
Boofer(17:39:59): hence I wasnt charged in Feb

Oh snap! In your face… Pat! Wanna tell me one thing but TOTALLY not look at the month before… like I did… review all them facts, bitch!

Patricia(17:45:42): You need to contact the internet billing group at <some 800 number> so they can go over each bill with you and which bill cycle they billed you for on each bill.

Wait, what? I don’t wanna go over each bill with a fucking fine tooth comb. Nor, do I wanna call anyone. This is why I’m “Live Chat”ting with a Verizon representative. Cheese ‘n rice! So I politely say…

Boofer(17:47:43): perfect, i’m sorry this to difficult for you to handle, thanks for taking five minutes for each question to NOT help me.

I got no idea how she’d respond to this, I assumed with some pre-scripted bullshit. It’d be funny if she started some flame war with me.

Patricia(17:55:45): I am sorry I couldnt assist you any further. I had to review bills for several months to give the answers to you as I am not in the Internet billing group and had to manually go page and line by line thru each bill. The internet group are better able to assist you.
Patricia(17:55:56): Thank you for chatting with us. I hope I have resolved your reason for contacting us today. If you have any additional questions, please do not hesitate to contact us again. Please complete the survey at the conclusion of this chat. We appreciate your feedback.

Well, that was worth the 45 minutes. Granted I wasn’t on the phone at all but, I was under the impression I was going to be provided a service. You know, since I provide them with money once a month. Apparently more some months than others. And that line about “I am not in the Internet billing group“, then how the fuck did I get stuck chatting with you? The website asked me specifically, what department, what topic. Alos. funny thing about checking my own bill, I too had it in an itemized fashion. Making me read and shit. Besides, the Internet group would be better to assist me? Oh right, PDF format. Stupid me.

Don’t get me started on that “I hope I have resolved your reason for contacting us today” comment, ha! Yes, again, scripted but, you think you would have different closer if you were to of no use to anyone.

Obviously there’s a lesson to be learned today. Females aren’t good with numbers, and who let Patricia out of the kitchen this morning? No, no, I kid. I guess I meant, before starting an internet dialog with any help desk rep, you should A) confirm that they are familiar with said topic, and B) ask the question, “Are you slow or something?” You don’t wanna waste any precious company time waiting for nothing. Especially when it could be better spent perusing zany YouTube clips.

Popularity: 2% [?]

I was searching the Googles for a fix that randomly started happening to a web site I was working on. Well, it might not had been random but I don’t feel like reverting back to versions just to find the culprit. IT might be the table. Might be something else.

“ie page flicker” took me to “Stop IE Flickering Between Pages”. OK, nice, I’m clicking, I’m reading. Turns out that IE sucks. No, really.

I really didn’t care to read into exactly what this snippet of code does. It just fixed my problem. My problem being, when submitting a page in IE the browser goes blank (all white) for a split second while it tries to load the new page. This is not an issue in Firefox.

Calling it Fajax for the mere fact it looks like an Ajax load? I guess. Anyways, here’s the HTML for your cutting and pasting pleasures.

<meta http-equiv=”Page-Enter” content=”blendTrans(Duration=0)”>
<meta http-equiv=”Page-Exit” content=”blendTrans(Duration=0)”>

Popularity: 25% [?]

Holy crap, I had this idea five year ago. Oh well, they did an OK job with what they had. And I’m too lazy to make my own. Although mine had a laser light show to draw the lines. They were a tad smarter and used a projector. Cool, regardless. Here’s the website.

Popularity: 20% [?]

I’ve been using Globex Design’s Gmail theme for awhile now. It’s becoming more and more of a hassle for them to keep up with Gmail’s ever changing website. Even when theor server went down because of some giant electrical storm.

I checked out all the themes. I partically like the “Terminal” theme but I think I’m going to still with “Shiny”.

One difference I see so far is that the Globex Design theme greyed out read emails. Which I personally feel is better.

I’ll though I do like the Globex Design theme. Until it can become more stable. Which should be easier to do now that Gmail has made the effort to create it’s own themes. Unless Gmail will just work their theme artists to the ground because of all the changes they make.

Popularity: 9% [?]

I use Spy-Bot S&D to get most of the malicious files that I knowingly put on my computer. I don’t have many to begin with, largely in part of my lack of IE use. But, when I open a zip and think that there’s a 60-40% chance that I’m just opening up a trojan, virus or worm of sorts, I know how to clean up my own mess. Example: If I get an email at work that says don’t open an attachment from a certain email, I’m kinda gonna open it. I can always play dumb if I really ruin anything.

Yesterday, I opened a file, OK, about five that I knew that they just might be malware. Turns out, they were! So I popped Spy-Bot open. Now, in the past there have been one or two things Spy-Bot just has had no luck in removing. VirtuMonde.c just happens to be one of the trojans that Spy-Bots is hit or miss on.

Vundo, or the Vundo Trojan (also known as Virtumonde or Virtumondo and sometimes referred to as MS Juan) is a Trojan horse that is known to cause popups and advertising for rogue antispyware programs, and sporadically other misbehavior including performance degradation and denial of service with some websites including Google.

Spy-Bot wanted to stop scanning to reboot and scan then. Fine! Go reboot and scan Spy-Bot. Whatever you want. But I knew if it needed to delete files on startup, it was going to be a bigger hassle than expected. It was. During the startup scan, Spy-Bot told me it would be best to reboot and scan at startup. Nice! Here’s your cookie Spy-Bot. Now go eat it in the corner while daddy fixes things you can’t. So I run to Google looking for my answer.

After a quick stop at Lavasoft’s non-compatible with Firefox web site, I stumbled upon Malwarebytes’ Anti-Malware.

Malwarebytes’ Anti-Malware is an anti-malware application that can thoroughly remove even the most advanced malware. It includes a number of features, including a built in protection monitor that blocks malicious processes before they even start.

I’ve heard of it before. Figured I’d give it a chance. Turns out, it’s pretty fucking bad ass. I mean it’s not something I need to run realtime. But it came through where Spy-Bot couldn’t. It even came with FileASSASSIN as a side tool.

FileASSASSIN is an application that can delete any type of locked files that are on your computer. Whether the files are from a malware infection or just a particular file that will not delete – FileASSASSIN can remove it. The program uses advanced programming techniques to unload modules, close remote handles, and terminate processes to remove the particular locked file. Please use with caution as deleting critical system files may cause system errors.

Anti-Malware ran and gave me a report of what if found and if it needed to reboot to delete any files. I ran it three times. My fault. First run was a quick scan. Which actually was quick. Like 5 minutes. It rebooted to remove files. Then I ran full scan again. It found a couple other things. Good. It didn’t need to reboot this time so ran full scan again for the hell of it. It found nothing.

I thought I’d just install it, run it and remove it. I think I’ll keep it a bit longer.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Put a single candle on that cake. sweetbeard.com turns 1 on Saturday. To kick-off said milestone, Saturday will be the jump off of the next re-bearding. Those whom have been looking for a reason to grow a beard, other than awesomeness, this is your chance. Those who have grown before, this is your chance to document the glorious evolvement of your beard.

What is sweetbeard.com? Well, thanks for asking. For those who don’t know and for those who think it’s just a place to sign up and upload a pic of your beard because other people have, you’re in for a treat. With the help of modern technology, and statue of the art imaging capabilities. You are now able to maintain a record of, or track if you will, one progression on a daily basis.

Still need help deciding? Of course you don’t. You’re not even reading this part. You’re on sweetbeard.com right now signing up. But if you’re still reading this, that means you’ve already signed up and you can enjoy some of sweetbeard.com’s BigAss™ montages.

Hase’s BigAss™ montage
WhiteOwl’s BigAss™ montage
Schmoove’s BigAss™ montage

A year ago this month a movement was born. Not a movement of base political agenda, but a restructuring of the mind. A few chose to loose the chains of oppression, breaking free that which was restrained. I write of course of the Sweet Beard. In the beginning there was excitement. New faces ready for change, new websites ready for faces, a new take on an old idea. Fresh faced in the best sense of the word, many sprang forth to test their skills in pogonotrophy, some tested many times. Now that our one year anniversary approaches, I ask the faithful to return and report in a sacred JPEG-based pilgrimage. My plan is to shave off my sweet beard and start again, to revive my faith. So: on November 15th, let the growing begin… again.
Spread the Word.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Hehe, mail goggles. You mean like beer goggles? Yes, dummy. Just like beer goggles but for mail.

Ever get drunk and send out an email that you probably shouldn’t had sent out in the first place? Yeah, Mav! Mail Goggles is a setting in Gmail that makes you do some random mail question before submitting an email.

[quote=Gmail.com]Google strives to make the world’s information useful. Mail you send late night on the weekends may be useful but you may regret it the next morning. Solve some simple math problems and you’re good to go. Otherwise, get a good night’s sleep and try again in the morning. After enabling this feature, you can adjust the schedule in the “General” settings page.[/quote]

I know wither I’m drunk or sober, calc does better math than I do. So I don’t think this would help me too much. Unless I’m way to drunk to type in the correct numbers in the correct allocated spaces.

Popularity: 11% [?]

After the iPhone has already been out for a couple months now, Apple finally brings out a new iPod Touch and gives it a price drop. Last week you could buy a 32GB iPhone for $299 but the 32GB iPod Touch was $399. Stupid.

Differences between the 1g and 2g? Nothing big or worth upgrading for. Some Nike+iPod crap, a built-in speaker, and iTunes 8 compatibility. It’s also a little smaller and lighter with a longer battery life. Only and extra hour of video playtime but audio goes from 22 to 36 hours. I think I’ll be OK with a limited 22 hours.

The only other thing I can think of is that there’s a rumor that the 2G might be able to support a microphone.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Will be a fully downloadable album for Rock Band? Ha! Sir Psycho Sexy that it me, some times I feel I need to scream. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Lollipops told me this info. I just repeat after him.

Actually it should be pretty fun. You’ve got classics such as, Suck My Kiss, Give it Away, Blood Sugar Sex Magik, Under the Bridge and of course one of my favorites, Breaking the Girl.

Main question is, is it all censored? Cause that wouldn’t kinda suck, just really suck.

I’m also looking forward to watching everyone play They’re Red Hot for the first time. Even more curious to watch C-Tal fail on the lyrics.

Popularity: 9% [?]

Well, I bought a PS3 to play Madden really. Since the PC version was “current-gen”, which be called “previous-gen” because “next-gen” is the “current-gen”. Anyways. It was a good decision on my part because it turns out 08 was the last time PC would see Madden.

Turns out, since I haven’t played any games in some time, minus downloadable demo games, my PS3 has lost the ablitly to read discs. You know… DVD, games, maybe Blu-Ray’s also, I don’t know, I don’t own any Blu-Ray’s.

I guess we had a clue it was broke when Neb tried to play the mosquito catcher installation DVD with no luck in the PS3. I think we just wrote it off as a shitty DVD.

So August 12th comes around. I buy Madden 09 during lunch. I get home to realize it’s not working. Call Sony. They ask for 150 buck. I give them the ol’ thats not fair routine. They don’t care. I call back the next day and give them more money.

The lady on the phone said it would be around 7-9 days of turn around. Hopefully she’s wrong and it’s less. But with me saying that it’ll take over a month.

So, Basically I just wanted to outline the repair process.

08/12 – Called Sony. They ask for $150.
08/13 – Try to find a way to get it fixed for free.
08/14 – Call Sony back. They ask for $150. I give them $150.
08/19 – Receive the Sony coffin. Pack up PS3. Chase down UPS drive.
08/20 – Sony receives PS3. I’m confused of how fast that was.

Popularity: 10% [?]