I had a teacher in high school that made us restart our oral report if we said “uh” or “umm”. I slipped at the end and had to re-read my report. Since that class, I hear everyone’s “uh” and “umm”s.

I know they’re all not going to be English majors, this is why they play a sport for a living but, they are all over the radio and TV. They need to not only be taught how to manage their money, but they should also be sent to finishing school.

Please, please, if you’re a professional athlete, please try to sound professional, you know?

A few days later I received my package via the mailbox. (I don’t think naming the actual carrier matters) The envelop it arrived in seemed a little flat. There also was a strangely ripped hole in the bottom of the envelop. Empty it was. I didn’t really need to open, it was so obvious.

A few weeks ago the miss’s order from the Expensive Lady Underwear Co. magically disappeared off the planet. It had a tracking number. Who know where it finally ended up but, when the order was resent after being told that this is a somewhat common a practice.

Now, I’m not saying my baluns were actually stolen but… I think someone is watching some crystal clear hi-def OTA and dressed sexy while doing so.

Regardless, phones aren’t phones anymore. First you could txt each other, then we could snap images the size of a thumbnail. As time continues, I see the importance of owning a smart device. It’s just to bad most of them come equip with phones.

What makes a smartphone smart? Obviously slapping a camera and a touchscreen doesn’t make a phone smarter. Adding bluetooth and GPS is getting closer. I think is has to do less with that actual hardware of the device and more to do with the actual ease of the the software. Since 2008 there have been about 75 smartphones released with Android as it’s operating system. Granted hardware does get better as time goes on but, at the rate of 3 phones a month?

It’s really a choice of opinion of which is best. If you sip latte’s, where horn rimmed glasses, wear tight-tight polo shirts and enjoy the one button clicking style of a iMac, you’ll most likely be a fan boy of the iPhone. But pfft, that was two years ago and now your not mainstream by buying another mainstream Android. You just can’t win for losing.

Some people stay with a service provider that they feel is superior to all others. I don’t know if it’s true or if it’s all in the advertizing. You know that commercial where they show you the coverage map of one provide with blue dot, and the next map has more coverage with red dots all over it. That’s fine and all but, both maps have a dot over where I live. And all those other red dots… I don’t wanna fucking go to those places.

85% of the (possibly more) you’re going to be in range of a Wi-Fi hotspot when you’re surfing the web on your phone. Why do the cell networks have to be so damn fast? Is there an issue with not being able to support full-duplex? Yes it’s true the Internets these days are taking up a hell of alot of bandwidth. Obviously because of more streaming video. Annnd we all know what kinda video are the more popular on the Internets. And not it’s not kittens playing with each other, well, it’s kinda like that… but. Which brings me to a thought, this a maybe why smartphones don’t support Flash. Those “2 minute” videos would constantly crash a cell phone network.

So, it’s not the hardware and it’s not the network… it’s the software. The OS. The programs and data. The clicky, swip, hourglass thingie. OK, enough.

I get asked all the time which is the best. Most of the time you can’t beat anything that’s free but, since they aren’t so much, I’ll rundown my list of the top 5 OS’s you have to choose from. Not to start an argument about what OS is really in the top 5, I’m making up my own top 5 list. All other OS’s left out are then refered to as useless. Don’t feel bad, some of the one’s I’m about to talk about I feel are useless also. So, without any more delay…

#5. RIM Blackberry
First off, I hate that trackball/pad. Remember that little red erase that use to come in the middle of laptops has a mouse? Just as annoying. When navigating through any operating system, I don’t want to have to cycle past 50 other icons first. Secondly, screen sizes on Blackberry’s suck. I don’t know where they don’t make it bigger. If you need a physical keyboard on a device, make it a candybar aka where the keyboard slides out from the bottom/side. The blackberry to me really isn’t smart. It paved the way for “looking at you phone, checking email, while someone else is trying to talk to you about something that they feel is important”. Honestly, if you’re not a 65 year old white male who wears white collared/cuffed shirts and power ties to work, I don’t know why you’d own a Blackberry. What are the key features of the Blackberry? Weather data and seamless integration with Exchange? Blackberry never wow’d me. Mostly likely it never will.

#4. Windows Phone
Most of my experience has been with Windows Mobile. And if you absolutely love Windows, you’ll love this. To bad you’ll be in a small select group. Navigating the Start Bar with the very tip of your fingernail to hopefully not open some other unwanted application. Touchscreen friendly just not muilt-touch friendly. When viewing maps you have zoom in with +/- icons. If you don’t fat finger it. Now, onto Window Phone. Giant stupid squares. The plus side is that, you fat finger everything. The down side is that it’s too simplistic. I feel Microsoft with mocking me. “Here you go dummy, big fat “you-cant-possibly-confuse-yourself” buttons. (buttons aka squares on the touchscreen). I mean it’s nice. GREAT for moms. But you’ll most like still have to explain shit to her every three months. “6 buttons and you still can’t figure it out? Click and drag up to get those 3 other jumbo sized buttons.” Windows Phone would be great for an in-dash car display, but on the phone it’s just not smart enough for me. It’s the smart for idiots.

#3. Android
You know, that mobile OS owned by Skynet. I feel like I wanna like Droid alot but… I just can’t get there. I tried to turn on Wi-Fi on my friends device, I gave up after a minute. It should take you 20 seconds, if someone is talking to you at the same time, to toggle anything off/on. I see the voice recognition is very nice, chubby bunny. But sometime, or maybe most of the time, I don’t want to announce out loud, even when I’m alone, what I’m about to search for. One strong suite for the Driod are all the apps available to help you experience using the device easier. If I have to ask how to open something, then it’s just not intuitive enough for me. Everyone whats to use a wallpaper that’s interactive, which is kinda neat just distracting also. Screen on Android tend to be a on the larger size. Good for viewing non-mobile website, not good for storing in your pocket. I feel I need a laptop bag for it. All in all Droid is OK. It’s seems to me Driod is merging other key features of other OS’s and trying to pass it off as it’s own original features.

#2. WebOS
The little OS that could, but can’t get on a phone to save it’s life. Palm as been effing this ship up for some time. Only 5 devices in 1.5 years, all comparable to the original Pre. Not really pushing anyone to carry their new devices. Palm is even late to the tablet game and WebOs would be a great tablet OS. They make Chinese know-offs faster than Palm and manufacture anything. The newest versions of WebOS just make using a smartphone easy. The JustType feature. Meaning you just start typing and the phone gives you a list of tasks to start. If you typed an address the maps button comes up or if you type a name, their contact info comes up or you can Google or Wiki them. You can other website that have OpenSearch of there site so, you can just start typing food and you can find recipes. No more of that, find the app, open it, got to search, then type. Cards, for easy organizing of running apps. Stacking cards, to group related cards. Swiping is obvious. Left, right, clicking opens, swiping up discards. So easy, so simple, so useful. I fully support the WebOS community. “Home brewing” (user made apps) is completely encouraged. If you know nothing of WebOS, I suggest you watch a 5-10 demo of it on your favorite tubing site.

#1. iOS
Stupid Apple. I hate to say it but it is the best one. A monkey with one eye and only it’s opposite sided hand can use this OS. Everything is easy to navigate and find. Searching on the left. Plus it has more gaming apps than the PSP & DS combined. Playing games, 3D type games just tears up the batter. One game of football drained the battery about 20%. There’s not much more to say about iOS that everyone presumably doesn’t already know. Apple frowns on you using there device in other manner that they want, even though you bought it from them and now own it outright. That’s like the big box home improvement retail stores telling me I’m not allowed to pee in my own sink. Eef off. The only downside I have to iOS is the hardware. I have an 3G touch, meaning I have no camera and can’t use bar scanning software. When I original bought it I though, “I don’t wanna taking photos with it.” Pfft, I completely forgot about all those cute adorable UPCs. iOS is so good on it’s own without phone hardware which makes it, in my opinion, the smartest.

Myth 1: A steak is a steak is a steak.

The Truth: Not all steaks are created equal and each requires its own special way of grilling. Thin ones, like skirt and flank steaks, should be grilled quickly over a hot fire. Thick steaks, like a porterhouse or T-bone, require a two zone fire – the hot zone for searing, the medium hot zone for cooking the meat through. Tough, fibrous steaks, like flank steaks, should be scored on the top and bottom to tenderize them and thinly sliced across the grain when served. Lean steaks, like filet mignon, require added fat, either in the form of an oil-based marinade or a wrapping of pancetta or bacon.

Yes, filet mignon is more expensive than the two pack of t-bones that are on sale. First off those t-bones are like 2 lbs each. What ever happen to healthy 6 oz. portion sizes? I also don’t think because the bone is still touching the meat, that it will taste better than a boneless cut. It’s just more annoying to cut around. Most of the time these days I’m pretty much sticking to filet mignon, porterhouse and hambugers.

Myth 2: You should bring a steak to room temperature before grilling.

The Truth: Leaving meat out at room temperature is a formula for disaster and there isn’t a respectable steak house in the world that does it. Steaks (indeed, any meat) should be kept ice-cold – and bacteria free – until the moment they go on the grill. (When you’re working over a 600° to 800°F fire, it takes mere seconds to take the chill off the meat.)

People confuse “ice-cold” with “frozen”. Meat should be thawed out but ice-cold to the touch. As if you were going to place it on your wife’s black eye. The main thing that erks me is the process of getting meat to an unfrozen state. I’ve see microwaves work many of many hours of defrosting. The main issue with microwaving meat is that it starts cooking parts of the meat unevenly. Also, it brings the meat to a temperature bacteria can start growing. Which both kinda gross me out a bit. I can handle bread being unevenly toasted. A slice of bread costs in the range of 2-4 cent each. I’m not going to screw up $15-20 worth of meat.

Myth 3: Salt toughens steak. Don’t apply it before grilling.

The Truth: A generous sprinkling of salt (kosher or coarse sea salt) and cracked black peppercorns applied just prior to grilling gives you the savory crust and robust flavor characteristic of the best steak house steaks. Grill masters from Florence to Florianópolis back me up on this. Season steaks right before they go on the grill. Just don’t season them hours ahead or the salt will draw out the meat juices and make the steaks soggy.

Stop putting steak seasonings on steak. All you need is either safflower, peanut or extra virgin olive oil and kosher salt. I pepper also but I read that you should never pepper a steak before grilling because it releases carcinogens as it is burned. You should salt before, pepper after.

Myth 4: A barbecue fork is the proper tool for turning a steak.

The Truth: Stabbing a steak with a fork serves only to puncture the meat and drain out the juices. Turn your steaks with tongs.

I don’t know what pisses me off more. Forking a cooking plate or stirring a Teflon pan with a fork. Plus it’s 100% easier and safer to flip a steak with long tongs than burning the hair off your knuckles with a 4 inch small fork. Just invest in some long tongs, and don’t leave them outside 11 months out of the year.

Myth 5: Turn the steaks often while grilling.

The Truth: If you watch really top steak masters from around the world, you’ll notice they turn a steak only once. Why? This produces a better crust.

Your bored, hungery, figitity and posibly half-way drunk. I know you have nothing to do but tend to the meat of the grill, but just stop poking, flipping and adjusting everything on the grill. Get a timer, set it and just walk away. Meat doesn’t cook faster nor better because you’re staring at it. Here’s a novel idea, drink another beer instead.

Myth 6: The best way to check a steak for doneness is to cut into it with a knife.

The Truth: Again, cutting the meat releases the juices. The best way to check for doneness is to poke a steak with your finger. A rare steak is soft and squishy; a medium rare steak is yielding; medium is gently yielding; medium-well is firm; and well-done is hard and springy.

Honestly I time my steaks. Which mean I still could do this, I just forget too and pull the ol’ “Oh, it’s been long enough.” I’d say I’m right 80% of the time.

Myth 7: Steak tastes best sizzling hot off the grill.

The Truth: Like most grilled meats, a steak hot off the grill will taste leathery and dry. You need to let it rest for a few minutes on a warm plate before serving. This allows the meat to “relax,” making for a juicier, more tender steak.

Sizzling hot off the grill? There’s nothing more fun than burning off the roof of my mouth. Letting the steak rest is a must unless you enjoy dry meat and licking your plate to compensate.

I think I’ve just out-grown the novelty of standing out in the hot weather to grill meat. I’m more of a pan seared guy these days. Oil and salt. 2-3 minutes on each side. Then into the oven at 500* for 2-3 minutes a side. And I’m done. It takes like 10-15 minutes from fridge to plate. And I didn’t have to pre-heat the grill or sweat.

The show, in 1966, was kinda like the Batman TV show, minus all the goofiness. I mean there were henchmen to gang up on the Green Hornet and Kato but, with no “BANG!” and “POWS!” People actually died on the show. Not real life dead, dead but, I meant, not knocked out after one or two punches. They had their hideout with secret doors and Black Beauty (the car) flipped out from under the garage floor. Their just were no shenanigans that you typically get out of a Seth Rogen movie.

I like how it seems that, Jay Chou (Kato) looks to be taking the role seriously. Since the original role on the TV show was played by Bruce Lee. I just wonder if Chou will be big in Hong Kong like Lee was.

Obviously, it’s going to be big budget explosions, bad-ass karate kicks, and stupid zingers left and right. I never read the comic, I’ve only seen the TV show. So, I don’t know how well it will stay true to form. Then again, when does any remake ever do so?

Thanks, Kato.

Now, I played up until mid high school. Then I became more interested in hockey than soccer. But when I played, I played halfback, mixed in with left wing and maybe goalie during blue moons. I would like to think that know a tad about the sport. So, I like soccer. I’ve grown out of it a bit, but I still like it. I can tell you one thing; if there’s a match on, I’m not going to sit there for 90 minutes watching it. Unless I’m at work.

Being around someone who doesn’t know soccer but still is intensely watching it, annoys the shit out of me. “Ohhhhh, so close!“. Ummm, what? Yes, the player was in close proximity to the goal and/or goal keeper while kicking to ball wide of said goal or straight to the said goal keeper. What you failed to notice, since you don’t know jack shit, is that the before mentioned player attempting this “oh, so close” goal was around “oh, so” 20 fucking feet offsides. I know, I know. You just learned what offsides in hockey is last season but, I’m afraid to inform you, it’s a little different in soccer. So, next time that you think something exciting is happening, just yell out, “Ohhhh, I got no fucking clue what I’m ‘ohh’ing about!” That way I don’t have to turn around and repeat my “What a moron.” thought.

Speaking of morons. Listening to you people around me, discussing a game you just watched or possibly only saw highlights of, really urks me, as well. You’ve just plagiarized the sports caster that I just listened to ten minutes ago. Trust me, you’re not going to come at me with some personal incite, divine wisdom or even an original thought. From now on you’re only allowed to say, “Man, I wish team ZXY would had won.” I’ll reply back with something witty, you’ll laugh and I’ll go back to my life.

Vuvuzela? OK, stop saying that word. You didn’t know what it was prior to the South African World Cup. And if you did, you’re a big fat liar. I know you’re lying because I didn’t know that it had a name. I knew of the noise. I could picture it in my head. People with painted faces, a flag tied around there neck like a cape, blowing a long plastic horn. The only thing more annoying than the buzzing noise it creates is the obvious facts they you drop about them. “They sound like a swarm of bees.” Yes, I heard both sounds before and didn’t need your intelligence to connect the dots. “You could chug beer out of one.” Wait, what? There are two holes in it? You’re a genius.

I’m just saying. Off all the numerous conversations pertaining to sport that I’ve participated in, I’ve never been asked, “What’s your favorite MSL team?” After the allure of the World Cup wears off, I’m pretty confident I still won’t be asked.

First the rumor was NYC. Kincks. Then the mention of Jzy-Z owning the Nets. Jay-Z owns like 1% of the team. I guesstimated that the Nets were worth $400M. I wasn’t off by much, $325M, according to Forbes. So, rumors of LeBron playing for Jay-Z and the new New “York” Nets. If the move, change the team name, etc…

So when MJ was asked where LeBron should play, he said Washington D.C. No, not really. He said Chicago. I don’t know if he elabrated on his thoughts. The online article was like 5 pages long and I don’t scroll down much. Sooo, yeah, Chicago.

Then in an interview Marv Albert had to Obama, the President dropped his opinion on where he thought LeBron should play next. Shocker he said, “Chicago”. The second thing I got from the Obama interview? Yea, I didn’t know there was a tennis court in the front yard of the White House.

Speaking of interviews, Larry King spoke with LeBron. Not as good as Larry and Snoop eating at Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles but… Larry asked if Cleveland had a chance of getting him back. Cleveland only has a chance because I assume he feels comfortable there.

Other rumors of Phil Jackson returning to Chicago. Jordan, Kobe and possible LeBron? Geez, that’s a hard knock life.

So here’s my open letter to LeBron. Go… to… CHICAGO! There only a handful of respected NBA franchises. Boston, the Knicks, the Lakers, Chicago, Detriot and the 76ers. L.A. and Boston don’t need you and the rest are pooh-pooh teams. You could go to the highest paying team but is money really worth it? Did I just ask that? Yes, I did. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble making an ass load of endorsement money. The Bulls are the closest team other there that one star player away from making the finals. It’s a young team and will only get better in the next three or so years. If you want to win, you know where to go.

I found this web site the other day called “Send LeBron to Chicago”. It’s a grass roots campaign to get his attention. Check it out. They even put up a billboard in Chicago.  http://sendlebrontochicago.com/ I also thought to myself the other day, “If he does end up in Chicago, they aren’t going to let him wear No. 23. Didn’t he wanna change his number to 6 or something? Maybe he’ll wear No. 6″. Then I see this photoshoped picture of LeBron in a No. 6 Bulls jersey on “Send LeBron to Chicago”, crazy.