I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.

There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Yep, it made me laugh too. And it’s not some made up racist southern word.

adj.

1. Petty, especially in a nagging or annoying way; trifling: a pointless dispute over niggling details.
2. Overly concerned with details; exacting and fussy.

niggling nig’gling n.
nigglingly nig’gling·ly adv.

Popularity: 1% [?]

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree . . . .

Popularity: 9% [?]

Although I thoroughly enjoy this brand of humor, I am to sad to inform to these two gentlemen that their creativity is not particularly original in nature. I can think of a time back when others have produced such comedy gold.
Break.com: [url=http://www.break.com/index/rap-battle-gone-bad-translated.html]Rap Battle Gone Bad Translated[/url]

Well, what’s this? You’re in the mood for rap battles? Check this one out too. Tis a classic.

Break.com: [url=http://www.break.com/index/worst-rap-battle-ever.html]Worst Rap Battle Ever[/url]
Couple things I’d like to point out though. Does the MC look tough or gay with his arms around the other guy sitting in front of him. Also, tell me why he says, “Ya’ll arready know da rules. So, we ain gonna waste no time on dat.” and then he proceeds to thus explain the rules. Finally, why does it look like they both forgot to fully memorize their freestyle lines?

Popularity: 3% [?]

I get like 10 spams a day. I usually just “empty” them when I check my email. Today, one of them did their job. I clicked and read the email. How did they sucker me into reading their spam about free government subsidies and how I could learn how to use them? With a subject line like “Truckload of dead puppies”. That’s how.

Popularity: 3% [?]

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of

America Convention in Boston. ”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my
personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “One popular myth, is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein , but my friends call me Bubba.”

Popularity: 3% [?]

sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com

Need I say more?

Popularity: 3% [?]

Classic Quotes by Homer Simpson (1955- ) Power plant worker, astronaut, grease collections/sales, mayoral bodyguard, sports mascot, sanitation commissioner, et. al.

When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!

—————

When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.

—————

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.

—————

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

—————

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

—————

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

—————

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

—————

Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.

—————

Maybe, just once, someone will call me “sir” without adding, “you’re making a scene.”

—————

Oh, everything’s too damned expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody’s a sinner! Except this guy.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Yelp, you know. Since I’m such the celeb and brag all the time. Figured it was time to post my appearance on WJFK last week.

They were talking about putting rims on Dukes low end Charger that he’s probably leasing. Everyone called in giving there advise and encouraging him to do so. I felt I had to let him know that he shouldn’t.

BTW it’s 15:00 minutes in, and it’s “Alexander” because I didn’t want to be turned away because of my name, nor talk about my name, or have them mispronounce it for the whole tow minute conversation.

Funny thing is, I never told them what I drive and, he hung up on me when right as he yelled “F U!”. I had no chance to respond.

But, what I was going to say was, “If you really want rims, I got a guy that works at Costco. He can hook you up with some 15″ rims for a nice discounted but we might have to paint them. I’m leaving work now, you want me to pick up “Gunmetal” or “Gloss Black” spray paint cans?”

[url=http://www.wjfk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=1717146]http://www.wjfk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=1717146[/url]

Popularity: 3% [?]

…more like BEST movie scenes ever.

[url=http://www.break.com/index/worst-movie-scenes-ever.html]http://www.break.com/index/worst-movie-scenes-ever.html[/url]

Popularity: 3% [?]