redllama.net

Sitting on a Rainbow

It’s online 10:30 AM and I’m already sitting on a fucking rainbow. Flat tire, dead battery, inquiry of controlled substances and talked to some cops.

First my car starts sounding weird on HOV near Glebe and I drive all the way Army/Navy Dr to find out my tire got punctured. Once I pulled the tire, I noticed a shiny piece of metal in the tread. To bad I rode the side walls at 70 MPH for about 3 miles. New tire it is.

Once I fix the flat my car won’t start. The only people around are two guys in some utility truck. The come over and help me jump start the car. Granted the connection might be lose on my battery but telling me that this might be my problem and wiggling it and making it looser is going to help the situation. Shocker they asked me if I smoked. I laugh and told them only on the weekends and I don’t carry on the weekdays. If I actually did, I would had hook them but, I wasn’t going to tip them money for something they should just do out of kindness. Plus I don’t carry cash, either.

So I get the hell on around the corner when I come to a stop sign when the car dies. Lucky me, a cop was behind me. I didn’t waster any time acting like I was trying to start the car. I just jumped out and told the officer (Hey look, it’s a lady!) that my battery just died. We jump it. It died 30 seconds later. I felt like a idiot when she was wrapping up the cables that I needed another jump. So I tell her it won’t idle and I’ll just have to over rev it. Which is so much fun, in an automatic. Even though she was following me and she know I just needed to get to the other side of Crystal City as fast as possible, i still felt obligated to follow the posted speed limit with a cop behind me. I had to sit at the same red light twice, because some dick in a moving van was taking up a lane. So, any way. I waved, she didn’t touch my leg.

Basically it took me an hour to go 1.2 miles. Sitting on a rainbow, that’s my mood. Now, I’ve got to leave the building for a fire drill. Awesome.

Social Web Sites and Evites

I don’t want invites to your social web site. It’s a web site so you can find people who NEED to talk and chat about crap they think is cool enough to deserve it’s own web site. If I wanted to join, I would had already joined. And trust me, I’d be there before you if I was interested. All that you feel is new to you on the Internet, is months old to me.

Then we have my web site, it’s about llama’s, llama’s that are red.

I didn’t force anyone to sign up with multiple annoying emails. Nor did I need another web site to help me send emails, or “evites”, to all my friends. It seems like more work to get all the email addresses and move them to a different web site, just to send an mass email.

Evites. Now why do you think I would want to come to you event? Since other people will only go based on whom has accepted to join. And why do I need an invite when the event takes place at my house? This has happened more than once, it’s not just one dumbass.

I think I’ll just delete my email address. Or maybe just give out email addresses that would be offensive to those whom ask for my email address.

E-mail Etiquette

About a year ago, a friend forwarded me one of those stupid chain e-mails that threatens me with death by a million Spider Monkey bites, or what have you. He might as well have forwarded to about 90 percent of northern Virginia, because my e-mail address has been obtained by the walking disaster that is Tracee. If you don’t know her, you can now breathe a sigh of releif.

Traycee is notorious for sending chain mail, advertisements for random parties, opinions on politics, and just about anything she finds that she thinks somebody (anybody?) might take an interest in, which would be fine and easy to ignore… if it were only her that sent them. I’ve attempted to talk her into using the “BCC” line when sending her mass communications, but my efforts have been to no avail.

Today, I log in to my Yahoo! account to find 50 messages from her and other people originally included in the “To:” line of her original e-mail. 50 messages!!

Naturally, I reply to all and ask that I please be removed from their responses because, frankly, I don’t even know who they are. Immediately following, I get a reply from another stranger in her address book saying “please remove me as well”. Idiots.

Oh, FireFox Spellcheck, Why Do You Suck So?

vechile
- FireFox options: lovechild chile’s childless chiller’s chiller
- Google: Nothing, figures I meant vechile and found tons of places where everyone else misspelled vehicle.

cuorticy
- FireFox options: cortically vorticity morticians mortician mortice’s
- Google: Did you mean: courtesy

Tiny things. FireFox is getting a little sloppy in my eyes. Next thing you know it’ll be so bad that you’ll have to pay money to use it.

Driving Behavior

Something is weird this week. Can a full moon last five days? It’s like everyone signed up for pulloutinfrontofboofer.org.

This morning an Asian woman, oops, my bad, this 3rd trimester chink pulled out of Daventry across the slow lane in to my lane. Granted I might had been doing 60 or so but, number one, you don’t pull out across lanes and number two, you should be able to notice a car, A CAR, coming down the street in the fast lane at a high rate of speed.

After I passed that whore, where you start going up that hill, this VDOT truck decided to pull out in front of me from the shoulder to… you guessed it, just cut across the lanes. Assuming to make a U-turn at the top of the hill. How about not doing that when there’s a pack of oncoming cars.

Then when I got to Crystal City this JMC Jimmy decided to make up his mind like forty times on the south bond on ramp to S Clarke Street bypass. I was nice, I didn’t whip out in front of him at the intersection. My light wasn’t orange, it was more like tomato red. So I just waited for him to crawl across the intersection and proceed to do 10MPH up the ramp. When I went to pass him as he Pac-Man’ed the center line, which hadn’t started yet but was a literal 200 feet ahead. All you have to do is have your eyes open and you could definitely seen that a choice of lanes was about to perplex you in the sudden future. As I tried to pass him on the left, as you should, he was creeping to the left, so I gentle guided my vechile to the right at which at this time I think he thought, “Oh I should be in the right lane.” Fine, I’ll just pass on the left. I guess at that point he noticed that were other tax payers trying to use this road, namely me. He then I guess out the courtesy of his heart, decided to let me pass, on his right, as he pulled out of my way by pulling into my way.

That was just my commute this morning. I’m not going to get into the 55MPH hi-fiver’s that drive on the 65MPH HOV lanes.

This has been going on all week long.

During the “tornado”, people were driving like 35MPH with their hazards on. If you feel the need to turn your hazards on while driving, then don’t fucking drive. AND DON’T drive in the far left lanes, you’re just asking to get rear-ended. Pull over to the side and put your parking lights on. Not your hazards. We just need to see that there is a car on the side of the road. For some reason, flashing lights causes rubber-necking. Don’t slow down traffic more because you can’t fucking drive in the rain.

I, whom is a clean car window snob, could maintain 55 through that rain. People have a hard time looking at the road as apposed to staring at the rain on their windshield.

Speaking of rubber necking. On Wednesday there was an accident next to Landmark on the far right side lane of 395, NORTH. HOV and the south bound lanes were all clogged up right there from jackasses wanting to stare. Seminary Road is a little over a mile north of Duke Street and you could just see the line across the street where people were slowing down, then traffic just clears up after it. It erks me so much. They need to put up 40′ walls along 395. Then again that’ll just slow up traffic to because every will slow up to 35MPH around the blind turns.

People are morons. I obviously could write a book about this.

I Guess All Twins Do Not Look Alike

How can one twin make the hot list and the other is left off the list…

Ashley Olsen Makes Hot List
Wednesday, May 07, 2008

It seems that the Olsen twins have finally succeeded at distinguishing themselves from each other. Maxim Magazine’s recently released their Hot 100 List and placed Ashley at number 47. Noticeably absent was twin sister Mary-Kate, who was left off the list altogether. But maybe the men’s mag is just looking to stir up some sibling rivalry — they also included Ashlee, who ranked at number 18, and Jessica Simpson, much further down the list in 53rd place.

i am boofers papa

for those of you who may not know…. i am Boofers father. i know you may be thinking to yourselves this is impossible. especially considering that i am younger, black, handsome, and awesome at life. Then theres boofer who is a honkey, gay, older, and one shit shy of diahrrea (that means dumb). but believe me it’s true. just ask Boofer.

Sick Co-Workers

Seriously!? If you sound like you were just pulled out of the ocean from drowning when you cough, stay home! This bitch, from what I can tell, won’t chug a 40oz of DayQuil. She’s like 4 foot, a buck fifty and looks like a troll slash gypsy. Which doesn’t help my mental imaging when I hear her cough from across the room. Lets say if you had to ride the some elevator as her, you’d get really creeped out and cover you nose and mouth. I listen to the radio online. I usually turn down the commercials. For the past week, I’ve had them cranked. Stay home in your hurting trailer with you’re 40 cats, you whore.

Tasty

I hate this fucking word. I don’t mind the company named Tastykake but, there are so many better adjectives. I don’t know why it annoys me so. It just does. I can’t think of a food that I would EVER describe as tasty other that products from Tastykake.

Steak isn’t tasty. No meat is tasty. And if it is, you’re gay and not using a fork anyways. Look Ma, no hands!

Although, i believe animals are tasty. I guess I just hate when the word is used as a compliment. Like, “this is tasty”. I guess it’s right up there with “delish”. Either finish the word or pick a word that you wouldn’t find on a 2nd graders spelling list. “Yummy” gets on my nerves, also.

Lip Smacking

There was this Asian guy sitting near me at lunch today. He sounded like someone had a video camera on him as he spit on and sucked a 14″ cock. It was the most disgusting sound I’ve ever heard while trying to eat lunch. He wouldn’t close his fucking mouth. And his boy, just sat there. For like 10 minutes, none stop.

If you’re sitting with someone and they’re lip smacking, let them know and enforce them it stop. How can anyone listen to that shit when you’re eating? I don’t care who it is. I don’t care if it’s one of the Jessica’s. Reach over and punch them in the fucking face.

Now, there’s nothing to my story about him being Asian. Although, all my Asian friends have better table manners than I do. So, I guess that just added another layer of annoyance.