The world knows Americans have no interest in soccer. Americans know Americans have no interest in soccer. So, if you’re an American, why do you act like you’re interested in soccer?

Now, I played up until mid high school. Then I became more interested in hockey than soccer. But when I played, I played halfback, mixed in with left wing and maybe goalie during blue moons. I would like to think that know a tad about the sport. So, I like soccer. I’ve grown out of it a bit, but I still like it. I can tell you one thing; if there’s a match on, I’m not going to sit there for 90 minutes watching it. Unless I’m at work.

Being around someone who doesn’t know soccer but still is intensely watching it, annoys the shit out of me. “Ohhhhh, so close!“. Ummm, what? Yes, the player was in close proximity to the goal and/or goal keeper while kicking to ball wide of said goal or straight to the said goal keeper. What you failed to notice, since you don’t know jack shit, is that the before mentioned player attempting this “oh, so close” goal was around “oh, so” 20 fucking feet offsides. I know, I know. You just learned what offsides in hockey is last season but, I’m afraid to inform you, it’s a little different in soccer. So, next time that you think something exciting is happening, just yell out, “Ohhhh, I got no fucking clue what I’m ‘ohh’ing about!” That way I don’t have to turn around and repeat my “What a moron.” thought.

Speaking of morons. Listening to you people around me, discussing a game you just watched or possibly only saw highlights of, really urks me, as well. You’ve just plagiarized the sports caster that I just listened to ten minutes ago. Trust me, you’re not going to come at me with some personal incite, divine wisdom or even an original thought. From now on you’re only allowed to say, “Man, I wish team ZXY would had won.” I’ll reply back with something witty, you’ll laugh and I’ll go back to my life.

Vuvuzela? OK, stop saying that word. You didn’t know what it was prior to the South African World Cup. And if you did, you’re a big fat liar. I know you’re lying because I didn’t know that it had a name. I knew of the noise. I could picture it in my head. People with painted faces, a flag tied around there neck like a cape, blowing a long plastic horn. The only thing more annoying than the buzzing noise it creates is the obvious facts they you drop about them. “They sound like a swarm of bees.” Yes, I heard both sounds before and didn’t need your intelligence to connect the dots. “You could chug beer out of one.” Wait, what? There are two holes in it? You’re a genius.

I’m just saying. Off all the numerous conversations pertaining to sport that I’ve participated in, I’ve never been asked, “What’s your favorite MSL team?” After the allure of the World Cup wears off, I’m pretty confident I still won’t be asked.

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I mean, Cleveland? Really? Who really wants to live there? It’s even ranked in the top 10 of dangerous cities in the U.S. Which to me seems like a joke to begin with. But all in all, it’s time to start looking out for yourself LeBron. You gave Cleveland 7 years to help you win a championship. Granted, they got close once but got swept by the Spurs. So, it really wasn’t THAT close.

First the rumor was NYC. Kincks. Then the mention of Jzy-Z owning the Nets. Jay-Z owns like 1% of the team. I guesstimated that the Nets were worth $400M. I wasn’t off by much, $325M, according to Forbes. So, rumors of LeBron playing for Jay-Z and the new New “York” Nets. If the move, change the team name, etc…

So when MJ was asked where LeBron should play, he said Washington D.C. No, not really. He said Chicago. I don’t know if he elabrated on his thoughts. The online article was like 5 pages long and I don’t scroll down much. Sooo, yeah, Chicago.

Then in an interview Marv Albert had to Obama, the President dropped his opinion on where he thought LeBron should play next. Shocker he said, “Chicago”. The second thing I got from the Obama interview? Yea, I didn’t know there was a tennis court in the front yard of the White House.

Speaking of interviews, Larry King spoke with LeBron. Not as good as Larry and Snoop eating at Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles but… Larry asked if Cleveland had a chance of getting him back. Cleveland only has a chance because I assume he feels comfortable there.

Other rumors of Phil Jackson returning to Chicago. Jordan, Kobe and possible LeBron? Geez, that’s a hard knock life.

So here’s my open letter to LeBron. Go… to… CHICAGO! There only a handful of respected NBA franchises. Boston, the Knicks, the Lakers, Chicago, Detriot and the 76ers. L.A. and Boston don’t need you and the rest are pooh-pooh teams. You could go to the highest paying team but is money really worth it? Did I just ask that? Yes, I did. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble making an ass load of endorsement money. The Bulls are the closest team other there that one star player away from making the finals. It’s a young team and will only get better in the next three or so years. If you want to win, you know where to go.

I found this web site the other day called “Send LeBron to Chicago”. It’s a grass roots campaign to get his attention. Check it out. They even put up a billboard in Chicago.  http://sendlebrontochicago.com/ I also thought to myself the other day, “If he does end up in Chicago, they aren’t going to let him wear No. 23. Didn’t he wanna change his number to 6 or something? Maybe he’ll wear No. 6″. Then I see this photoshoped picture of LeBron in a No. 6 Bulls jersey on “Send LeBron to Chicago”, crazy.

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April in DC doesn’t bring to much excitement to the city. Of course there’s the Cherry Blossoms. The weather is midly nice for a couple weeks before it heats up to 100*.

In years past, April hasn’t been referred to as a “sports month” in the District either. There’s no football going on, minus rumors. The Wizards usually aren’t in any post season contention. The Nationals, while still new to the area, aren’t topping the headlines themselves. The United are in just kicking off their season too but, no one will realize that until October.

And then there’s the Capitals. Who are pretty much always good for a Eastern Conference Quarterfinals loss ever since, well, since the Eastern Conference was formed. I’m used to them losing in the Patrick Division Semifinals.

Which brings me to my point. All you bandwagon Caps fans are annoying. Almost as annoying as a Cowboys or Steelers fan. Just about as annoying as a drunk Redskins fan at the beginning of the year yelling about being Super Bowl bound.

Why did I associate Caps fans to NFL fans? Because that’s what THEY understand. They’ve never come across a bunch of stupid Pens fan, all wearing Lemieux jerseys. Scratch that, it’s Crosby jerseys now-a-days. They never had to listen to some moron talk about how great Eric Lindros is. By the way, where the fuck is his? Retired, November 2007. Thanks Google. I could go on and on, but I won’t.

There seems to be a shit load of “Caps fans” that weren’t around six months ago.

Now I have to listen to idiots talk about how they think the Caps are just going to sweep the playoff. Ummm, that’s not how hockey works. The 2009-2010 Caps aren’t the 1992 USA Olympic Dream Team. If you sleep on another NHL team thinking your record proves your the best in the league, you’re gonna lose. Which is what happened Game 1 vs Montreal.

Then I hear, “They just need to come out strong this next game and score first.” Really, thanks for you in depth professional analyst of the keys to the game, Don Cherry. Why do you say that? Did you hear it on the radio? Did it sound smart then? Because it doesn’t now. What team says, “OK, we should just go out there and play soft for the first two periods. Let them score first. It doesn’t matter to us. I know we rather try to make a comeback from a four goal deficit. Then, and only then, we’ll have them right where we want them”.

I know you’re not a hockey fan. Stop acting like you know what you’re talking about. You just look stupid. Or, umm, more stupid. Case in point:

Some D-bag bragging to his friends: “We got umm, Green, Backstrom, ummm Semin. Ummm, Ovie of course.”
< Then I barge in.>
Me: “Who were their goalies last year?”
D-bag: “Varlamov and Theodore.”
Me: “Oh yeah. How long have they been on the team?”
D-bag: “For like, umm, 3 years.”
Me: “Oh. So. Varly wasn’t a rookie last year?”
D-bag: “Oh, i’m not sure, maybe he was.”
Me: “And last year wasn’t Theo’s first year in DC because they signed Huet the year before that and he wasn’t all that great.”

I don’t remember what he said after that, I just wanted to chime in to cease the conversation.

Yes, I get it. You wanna be apart of something special going on in the city. I get it. That’s fine. Enjoy watching it happen. Watching. Not talking. Watching. Just because someone had to explain what Icing is to you doesn’t make you an expert. Next time you find yourself out and about, possibly drinking, and you feel the need to blurt out a comment about hockey that you’ve only overheard by a person who gets paid to talk about sports, don’t. Save your energy. You’re definitely going to need it in September, when you start riding on the coat-tails of the past <insert your favorite NFL team here> Super Bowls. Unless you’re a Browns, Texans, Jags or Lions fan. No Super Bowls for you. One year!

In closing, the Capstronaut is stupid.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Fights in the NHL have toned down a bit, well a lot since the early 90’s. This is the first fight in a long time that reminded me of the NHL of old. Notice how many times Cam Janssen waves off the refs. This isn’t a “oh-you-touched-our-best-player” fight. This is a set the tempo for the game. If you look, the fight starts after a minute into the game. The point is to say, “Hey, we don’t like you, and now I feel I need to punch your face until you understand that.” This is an example of how hockey fights should be. Although Cam could had kicked his ass just for the mere fact he’s Canadian with a long, stupid name; Pierre-Luc Letourneau-Leblond.

I saw this next video on St. Louis Game Time, a Blues fan site I didn’t link to because I know no one I know would ever care to read anything on that site. The clip is 4 minutes long but it’s TOTALLY worth it. If there’s anything you witness in your life, wait for the 1:18 time mark. Now THAT’s a hockey fight. That’s how I remember fights playing out when I was younger. And you never see bench clearing fights anymore, only because the penalties for jumping over the bench are a lot harsher these days.

One last video, just to tide you over before switch over to YouTube searching for “hockey fights”. This is the only reason I own a Fylers jersey. When everyone else wanted to “be like Mike”, I wanted to be like Ron… Hextall, not Jeremy. Enjoy.

Rock’em Sock’em Goailes!

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I’m not hating on Ovechkin. I’m just asking a simple question. Does he currently exhibit the traits the greatest hockey player in the world. I just wanna go over some points that make me question that.

First off, I’m only going to mention Crosby now to tell you I’m not going to talk or compare him to Ovie. I’ve disliked the Penguins since the Patrick Division. It killed me to root for the Red Wings during the 2008–09 Stanley Cup finals. It was like cheering the Cowboys on the beat the Patriots. Lesser of the two evils. And I think Crosby is a vagina and wears blush… on purpose. Crybaby was just LUCKY enough to be on Pens and Canada teams that won. I giant case of right place, right time. Not skill. That being said.

Goal scoring. Can Alex score? Yes. Can he make it look easy? Yes. Is it Art Ross Trophy worthy? Comparably yes. Is it holy crap, record shattering, crazy amounts of goals. No. The single season record is 92 goals. And year it was Gretzky. 50+ goals in a regular season is top dog stats in the NHL but, to be an elite, no doubt about it, #1 player you need to have multiple 65+ seasons. That puts you in the same likes as Grekzty (92,87,73,71,62), Hull (86,72,70) and Lemieux(85,70,69,69). Well, yes Gretzky has played 22 seasons but his 92 goal season happened in his 4th year. It took Hull until his 2nd full season to jump on his three year 70+ season streak. It’s not how pretty the goal is. It’s about how many time you’ve rippled the twine. Squeaking out a few more that someone else in the league doesn’t scream #1 in the world. He needs to start breaking out some 70+ seasons.

Positioning. Alex plays left wing. Hull and Lemieux played right wing and Gretzky played center. You could try to argue that, if you didn’t know about hockey, that the center gets more touches/opportunities to score. While in theory that should be correct, Gretzky stood in his “office” all the time (behind the net, if you didn’t know). Plus, the setup plays created these days are just as elaborate that NBA plays. They fed Alex the puck for one timers all the time. I would like to see the weave implemented though. One thing I think that has helped Ovie out a lot, the 2005 rule saying the center line is no longer used to determine a two-line pass. Ironically that was put in place just in time for Alex to join the league and cherry pick all game long. You can’t tell me he doesn’t do it. He’s circles there, like a vulture, between the blue line and center line. I see it with my two eyes, you see it with your two eyes. You can’t deny it. And if you still feel the need to still deny it, PLEASE explain to me what kind of defense defends the neutral zone when the puck is in the corner boards. He’s getting the jump on breakaways, 1-on-1’s, 2-on-1’s. Leading to more goal scorer’s goals vs other leading goal player who only get their goals off tip-ins. If he doesn’t cherry pick, he’s just a fancy 25+ goal scorer, which is a league average forward.

Decision making. I’m not talking about when to shoot or pass. I’m talking about when you should throw out a leg to sneak a trip but accidentally go knee-to-knee with an opposing player and get suspended for 2 games. I’m talking about when you skate buy a dropped stick, and you KNOW it’s a penalty if you even touch it, but you tap it three feet away from the defender and get called for interference. I’m talking about feeling the need to make contact with another player 6 feet from the boards. I’m not saying to was a dirty hit, I’m saying it was unnecessary. Re-watch the play. If he had just passed the defender and gone to the corner, he thrown a big hit there and possibly won possession of the puck. I’m all about hitting. There should be more. The should be harder. The should have to replace the glass along the boards more often. Knowing when not to do something stupid is just not a thought process Ovie possesses.

Leadership. Ovie just had the “C” sewn on his jersey, only for the fact that the previous captain Chris Clark was traded away. I didn’t think his was the obvious choice for captain. I really didn’t think he was going to be named the next captain. He doesn’t really make other players better on the ice. He does draw a ton of attention and focus to himself allowing other teammates to play to their potential. But as for boosting everyone elses’ skills, that doesn’t happen. He kinda over shadows the skill set of others on the ice with him. Ovie goes out on suspension and the team plays like they don’t need him. Even the head coach Coach Bruce Boudreau said that Ovechkin’s style of play was at times “reckless”. He is like a bull in a china shop when he plays. Is that the leadership style that you want your captain to have? Is that the actions of a #1 player?

Role modeling. For example, Tiger. Best golfer in the world. Had is issues off the course. Still the best golfer though. My point is if you had a child playing golf, you’d like him to be like Tiger the golfer and not Tiger the person. All of Ovie antics and shenanigans have happened on the ice. Would you want you kid to play like Alex the hockey player? He’s not really a goon or a dirty player. Sure, he’s flashing and fun to watch but, his actions no make people question if he’s MVP worthy. Scoring a bunch of goals, winning the Cup and snagging MVP doesn’t make you #1. It obviously helps the argument but doesn’t solidify it.

I not making an argument that someone else is #1. I’m just saying that he’s maybe not #1 yet.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Due to his shoulder injury and maybe because of throwing footballs for 18 seasons, Favre thinks it might be time to retire.

Then again, maybe he’s due for a short stint in Minnesota.

I like Favre. At first it pissed me off that Favre moved over to New York. Then again, it’s nothing new to watch a great player team hop. Jordan with the Wizards. Gretzky to the Blues then Rangers. So I support his decision to un-retire again. Which he hasn’t done yet but, give him time, again.

[via Fanhouse]

Popularity: 21% [?]

This topic/conversation is a week or so off but I just remembered to look up the facts.

A certain redheaded “animal lover” drunkly claimed that bull riding was animal cruelty. Making statements like, “look at the bulls eyes, he’s so sad” and “they tie a rope around thier balls to make them buck.” Although I had valid question about why these thoughts had been thought, I know the best thing to do is not agree with a drunk person, but rather agree with them and make the situation seem worse than it is just to upset that person more.

Now to review some things.

Do I agree with bull riding and do I think it’s cruel. Strapping my left hand, extremely tight to the back of a naturally wild animal doesn’t sound like a barrel of laughs. Although it does sound like entertainment. I’m sure there are some establishments that don’t tend to the bulls with the greatest care to hopefully increase the pocket depths of others. I assume the events on TV, those probably treat the bulls like kings.

How the hell can you tell if a bull is sad? Do bulls get sad? Do they understand the concept of being sad? If I was in a metal cage with a guy strapped to my back, I wouldn’t be sad. I’d be nervous, a little confused and most likely flamingly gay.

The major argumentative point was, the tying of the bulls balls Tightly to supposedly make them buck. Now, I don’t have my balls tied on a daily basis but, I’d believe that having my balls tied would decrease my urge and wanting to kick my legs as I spin in circles. Also, I’m no animal doctor but, the “second rope” seems to be tie around the stomach, in front of the legs. The testicles then, I believe, are located “at the back of the plane”. If that confuses you then let me put it this way. I don’t have to adjust myself to a more comfortable position during the process of putting a belt on.

Try wrapping a rubber band around your cat or dogs foot. Most likely the animal will find it annoying are try to remove said item. Since animals don’t have opposable thumbs, kicking is a close second process of removing items off their body.

If there is any evidence of otherwise, send me a photo. Photo’s are worth 1000 words but a 1000 word response about hearsay is worthless.

Popularity: 40% [?]

I can’t think of a more unexciting Super Bowl match up since, well, since I’ve been paying attention to the NFL.

I’m not vested in either team. Minus the following two points. Steelers fans annoy me and the Cardinals are in the same division my beloved Rams are in. That being said, you can see why I’d like to see both teams lose. Maybe they can tie! I dunno, I’ll ask my friend Donovan. He might know.

In hopes of a great game is the reason I’ll be watching. Even the commercials in the past years have been failures. They just reply the old ones now. Count the number of times you watch a horse kick a field goal. They just might replay the old Mean Joe Green old. Well it’s a classic, and they don’t have any good new ones. Then again, Mean Joe was a Steeler. But that don’t give them a free pass to stop being creative. Entertain me, bitches!

So, in lue of all that, I’m going to pick… well, Arizona is getting 7. The O/U is 47. Vegas says 27-20, PIT?

The Steelers have tightened up their defense in the 2nd half of the season holding opponents to under 20 points. The Cardinals on some days can go out and score 30+ on you to make you beat them. The Steelers haven’t really been tested to much against a high powered offense this year. The Cardinals have a couple of games that they’ve picked about the defense. Some games only lost because the Cardinals defense was picked apart more. Big Ben isn’t that flashy “I know what I’m doing, let me call the plays” type. Warren is the better field general. The game won’t be about who has the better defense. It will be more about which defense can slow the opposing offense down faster and force them to punt into good field position.

I’m going with the exact opposite of Vegas. Arizona by 7.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Holy crap, I had this idea five year ago. Oh well, they did an OK job with what they had. And I’m too lazy to make my own. Although mine had a laser light show to draw the lines. They were a tad smarter and used a projector. Cool, regardless. Here’s the website.

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Coming off two looses that meant nothing, didn’t count and totaled 71-6. Playing the defending Super Bowl Champions. In New Jersey. Campbell on his whichever numbered offense now. What else can you say?

Maybe next week.

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