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Steak Grilling Myths

I totally ripped this off Lifehacker whom ripped it out of some book but, this is a topic that gets ignored even though people think they know what they are doing.

Myth 1: A steak is a steak is a steak.

The Truth: Not all steaks are created equal and each requires its own special way of grilling. Thin ones, like skirt and flank steaks, should be grilled quickly over a hot fire. Thick steaks, like a porterhouse or T-bone, require a two zone fire – the hot zone for searing, the medium hot zone for cooking the meat through. Tough, fibrous steaks, like flank steaks, should be scored on the top and bottom to tenderize them and thinly sliced across the grain when served. Lean steaks, like filet mignon, require added fat, either in the form of an oil-based marinade or a wrapping of pancetta or bacon.

Yes, filet mignon is more expensive than the two pack of t-bones that are on sale. First off those t-bones are like 2 lbs each. What ever happen to healthy 6 oz. portion sizes? I also don’t think because the bone is still touching the meat, that it will taste better than a boneless cut. It’s just more annoying to cut around. Most of the time these days I’m pretty much sticking to filet mignon, porterhouse and hambugers.

Myth 2: You should bring a steak to room temperature before grilling.

The Truth: Leaving meat out at room temperature is a formula for disaster and there isn’t a respectable steak house in the world that does it. Steaks (indeed, any meat) should be kept ice-cold – and bacteria free – until the moment they go on the grill. (When you’re working over a 600° to 800°F fire, it takes mere seconds to take the chill off the meat.)

People confuse “ice-cold” with “frozen”. Meat should be thawed out but ice-cold to the touch. As if you were going to place it on your wife’s black eye. The main thing that erks me is the process of getting meat to an unfrozen state. I’ve see microwaves work many of many hours of defrosting. The main issue with microwaving meat is that it starts cooking parts of the meat unevenly. Also, it brings the meat to a temperature bacteria can start growing. Which both kinda gross me out a bit. I can handle bread being unevenly toasted. A slice of bread costs in the range of 2-4 cent each. I’m not going to screw up $15-20 worth of meat.

Myth 3: Salt toughens steak. Don’t apply it before grilling.

The Truth: A generous sprinkling of salt (kosher or coarse sea salt) and cracked black peppercorns applied just prior to grilling gives you the savory crust and robust flavor characteristic of the best steak house steaks. Grill masters from Florence to Florianópolis back me up on this. Season steaks right before they go on the grill. Just don’t season them hours ahead or the salt will draw out the meat juices and make the steaks soggy.

Stop putting steak seasonings on steak. All you need is either safflower, peanut or extra virgin olive oil and kosher salt. I pepper also but I read that you should never pepper a steak before grilling because it releases carcinogens as it is burned. You should salt before, pepper after.

Myth 4: A barbecue fork is the proper tool for turning a steak.

The Truth: Stabbing a steak with a fork serves only to puncture the meat and drain out the juices. Turn your steaks with tongs.

I don’t know what pisses me off more. Forking a cooking plate or stirring a Teflon pan with a fork. Plus it’s 100% easier and safer to flip a steak with long tongs than burning the hair off your knuckles with a 4 inch small fork. Just invest in some long tongs, and don’t leave them outside 11 months out of the year.

Myth 5: Turn the steaks often while grilling.

The Truth: If you watch really top steak masters from around the world, you’ll notice they turn a steak only once. Why? This produces a better crust.

Your bored, hungery, figitity and posibly half-way drunk. I know you have nothing to do but tend to the meat of the grill, but just stop poking, flipping and adjusting everything on the grill. Get a timer, set it and just walk away. Meat doesn’t cook faster nor better because you’re staring at it. Here’s a novel idea, drink another beer instead.

Myth 6: The best way to check a steak for doneness is to cut into it with a knife.

The Truth: Again, cutting the meat releases the juices. The best way to check for doneness is to poke a steak with your finger. A rare steak is soft and squishy; a medium rare steak is yielding; medium is gently yielding; medium-well is firm; and well-done is hard and springy.

Honestly I time my steaks. Which mean I still could do this, I just forget too and pull the ol’ “Oh, it’s been long enough.” I’d say I’m right 80% of the time.

Myth 7: Steak tastes best sizzling hot off the grill.

The Truth: Like most grilled meats, a steak hot off the grill will taste leathery and dry. You need to let it rest for a few minutes on a warm plate before serving. This allows the meat to “relax,” making for a juicier, more tender steak.

Sizzling hot off the grill? There’s nothing more fun than burning off the roof of my mouth. Letting the steak rest is a must unless you enjoy dry meat and licking your plate to compensate.

I think I’ve just out-grown the novelty of standing out in the hot weather to grill meat. I’m more of a pan seared guy these days. Oil and salt. 2-3 minutes on each side. Then into the oven at 500* for 2-3 minutes a side. And I’m done. It takes like 10-15 minutes from fridge to plate. And I didn’t have to pre-heat the grill or sweat.

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R.I.P. Whomever

Why do people all across the interwebings flock to any newly created threads to voice there option about someone whom has just past, and then end their post with “RIP “. It’s pretty fucking stupid.

As far as I know, this “afterlife” thing that all these church-goers have been raving about for years, doesn’t have access to the Internet. And if it did, you’d think they would slip that into “the good book”. You know, as a perk to do more gooder in life. Do they have dial-up access? You’d think someone on Earth would had noticed the 62 mile long telephone corder headed straight up to a cloud? Wait a second. A cloud? Is the Internet and “heaven” one in the same? Where all my DBA’s at!! No… I’m sure they’re two separate entities. They’d have to using Wi-Fi. 5G. I mean, it’s “heaven”. It’d have to be better then what we have. You’d assume they have dial-up in “hell”. 300 baud. Half-duplex.

Even if they did have the Internet in this “heaven” you speak off. Is it so boring that dead celebrities have nothing to do by Google themselves? I doubt it.

Basically it just shows that whoever types out “RIP” within their posts felt obligated to let YOU know that THEY’RE NOT put themselves first BY putting themselves first to SHOW that THEY DO put others first, just to show YOU that they “care” or were “raised properly”. Yep, I just typed that. And it’s really pisses me off that it’s that fucking backwards to have to explain it. But I see through your bullshit, your sticky web of “me, me, me”.

Let me put it this way, so we’re all clear. will never read what you posted to the Internet. They will never send you a thank-you note. It’s a little late to try and so respect and sympathy. They might had appreciated hearing that when they were alive. Stop trying to prove to us that you’re not selfish. You are, it’s OK, and we don’t care that you are.

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The New Mississippi Rebel?

As reported by TMZ, the Ole Miss Rebels [read:University of Mississippi] had dumped their mascot to “update their image” [read:to not seem racist, anymore. or, as much.] The old mascot, “Colonel Reb” (unoffically named), looked like a cockier version of Colonel Sanders with a pimp cane. The school said they would back any decision made by the student body with coming up with a new mascot. So, as like any other student body would do, they picked Admiral Ackbar of Star Wars fame. It makes sense, since no one knows who Bhagat Singh or Rani Lakshmi Bai are. Yes, I Google searched for “famous rebels”.

Admiral Ackbar — the Supreme Commander of the Rebel Alliance fleet — is one step closer to becoming the new on-field mascot for the University of Mississippi.

Ole Miss is in the middle of a movement to replace their old mascot — Colonel Reb — after the school decided they wanted to update their image.

Tuesday, the students voted in favor of crowning a new mascot to represent Rebel Nation … and the favorite so far is none other than the most famous Mon Calamari in the entire universe.

Several pro-Ackbar websites have recently emerged — making the Admiral the heavy favorite. The University tells us the decision on the mascot is entirely in the hands of the student mascot committee. The University will hold a vote in the near future — we’ll keep you updated.

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Are Christmas Trees PC?

Tis the season of Holidays and the political correctness of what greetings should be used in the workplace, on television and in advertising. But, to show Holiday spirit, or even the illusion of a wintry wonderland of joy, everyone puts up Christmas trees. Does this not scream, “I’m a Christian!”? Slapping those in the face whom believe in other tales from beyond the grave.

Here at my place of employment, I walk past about four different Christmas trees in a day. Today I noticed someone has placed a menorah near the front door by the elevators. It’s an electric one with flickering flame type bulbs. I’m thinking it was picked up at a dollar store by someone whom is not Jewish. The chrome plastic base and construction says “I’m cheap” but the all lit up bulbs say “I’m not Jewish and have no clue on what this crazy candle stick is for”. I unscrewed all the bulbs minus the first and the taller center one. I’m sure someone will walk by it later and screw them all back in. Morons.

Also, if you’re going to buy a gift card for someone this year, buy them a Kwanzaa decorated one. This is so the cards don’t end up in the “Land of Misfit Toys”. Nobody wants a “Charlie in the Box”. Besides, redeeming them could result in hilarity. “Happy holidays, Gramdma!”

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dGVnb3J5PC9zdHJvbmc+IC0gU2VsZWN0IGEgY2F0ZWdvcnk6PC9saT48L3VsPg==