Myth 1: A steak is a steak is a steak.

The Truth: Not all steaks are created equal and each requires its own special way of grilling. Thin ones, like skirt and flank steaks, should be grilled quickly over a hot fire. Thick steaks, like a porterhouse or T-bone, require a two zone fire – the hot zone for searing, the medium hot zone for cooking the meat through. Tough, fibrous steaks, like flank steaks, should be scored on the top and bottom to tenderize them and thinly sliced across the grain when served. Lean steaks, like filet mignon, require added fat, either in the form of an oil-based marinade or a wrapping of pancetta or bacon.

Yes, filet mignon is more expensive than the two pack of t-bones that are on sale. First off those t-bones are like 2 lbs each. What ever happen to healthy 6 oz. portion sizes? I also don’t think because the bone is still touching the meat, that it will taste better than a boneless cut. It’s just more annoying to cut around. Most of the time these days I’m pretty much sticking to filet mignon, porterhouse and hambugers.

Myth 2: You should bring a steak to room temperature before grilling.

The Truth: Leaving meat out at room temperature is a formula for disaster and there isn’t a respectable steak house in the world that does it. Steaks (indeed, any meat) should be kept ice-cold – and bacteria free – until the moment they go on the grill. (When you’re working over a 600° to 800°F fire, it takes mere seconds to take the chill off the meat.)

People confuse “ice-cold” with “frozen”. Meat should be thawed out but ice-cold to the touch. As if you were going to place it on your wife’s black eye. The main thing that erks me is the process of getting meat to an unfrozen state. I’ve see microwaves work many of many hours of defrosting. The main issue with microwaving meat is that it starts cooking parts of the meat unevenly. Also, it brings the meat to a temperature bacteria can start growing. Which both kinda gross me out a bit. I can handle bread being unevenly toasted. A slice of bread costs in the range of 2-4 cent each. I’m not going to screw up $15-20 worth of meat.

Myth 3: Salt toughens steak. Don’t apply it before grilling.

The Truth: A generous sprinkling of salt (kosher or coarse sea salt) and cracked black peppercorns applied just prior to grilling gives you the savory crust and robust flavor characteristic of the best steak house steaks. Grill masters from Florence to Florianópolis back me up on this. Season steaks right before they go on the grill. Just don’t season them hours ahead or the salt will draw out the meat juices and make the steaks soggy.

Stop putting steak seasonings on steak. All you need is either safflower, peanut or extra virgin olive oil and kosher salt. I pepper also but I read that you should never pepper a steak before grilling because it releases carcinogens as it is burned. You should salt before, pepper after.

Myth 4: A barbecue fork is the proper tool for turning a steak.

The Truth: Stabbing a steak with a fork serves only to puncture the meat and drain out the juices. Turn your steaks with tongs.

I don’t know what pisses me off more. Forking a cooking plate or stirring a Teflon pan with a fork. Plus it’s 100% easier and safer to flip a steak with long tongs than burning the hair off your knuckles with a 4 inch small fork. Just invest in some long tongs, and don’t leave them outside 11 months out of the year.

Myth 5: Turn the steaks often while grilling.

The Truth: If you watch really top steak masters from around the world, you’ll notice they turn a steak only once. Why? This produces a better crust.

Your bored, hungery, figitity and posibly half-way drunk. I know you have nothing to do but tend to the meat of the grill, but just stop poking, flipping and adjusting everything on the grill. Get a timer, set it and just walk away. Meat doesn’t cook faster nor better because you’re staring at it. Here’s a novel idea, drink another beer instead.

Myth 6: The best way to check a steak for doneness is to cut into it with a knife.

The Truth: Again, cutting the meat releases the juices. The best way to check for doneness is to poke a steak with your finger. A rare steak is soft and squishy; a medium rare steak is yielding; medium is gently yielding; medium-well is firm; and well-done is hard and springy.

Honestly I time my steaks. Which mean I still could do this, I just forget too and pull the ol’ “Oh, it’s been long enough.” I’d say I’m right 80% of the time.

Myth 7: Steak tastes best sizzling hot off the grill.

The Truth: Like most grilled meats, a steak hot off the grill will taste leathery and dry. You need to let it rest for a few minutes on a warm plate before serving. This allows the meat to “relax,” making for a juicier, more tender steak.

Sizzling hot off the grill? There’s nothing more fun than burning off the roof of my mouth. Letting the steak rest is a must unless you enjoy dry meat and licking your plate to compensate.

I think I’ve just out-grown the novelty of standing out in the hot weather to grill meat. I’m more of a pan seared guy these days. Oil and salt. 2-3 minutes on each side. Then into the oven at 500* for 2-3 minutes a side. And I’m done. It takes like 10-15 minutes from fridge to plate. And I didn’t have to pre-heat the grill or sweat.

The show, in 1966, was kinda like the Batman TV show, minus all the goofiness. I mean there were henchmen to gang up on the Green Hornet and Kato but, with no “BANG!” and “POWS!” People actually died on the show. Not real life dead, dead but, I meant, not knocked out after one or two punches. They had their hideout with secret doors and Black Beauty (the car) flipped out from under the garage floor. Their just were no shenanigans that you typically get out of a Seth Rogen movie.

I like how it seems that, Jay Chou (Kato) looks to be taking the role seriously. Since the original role on the TV show was played by Bruce Lee. I just wonder if Chou will be big in Hong Kong like Lee was.

Obviously, it’s going to be big budget explosions, bad-ass karate kicks, and stupid zingers left and right. I never read the comic, I’ve only seen the TV show. So, I don’t know how well it will stay true to form. Then again, when does any remake ever do so?

Thanks, Kato.

Now, I played up until mid high school. Then I became more interested in hockey than soccer. But when I played, I played halfback, mixed in with left wing and maybe goalie during blue moons. I would like to think that know a tad about the sport. So, I like soccer. I’ve grown out of it a bit, but I still like it. I can tell you one thing; if there’s a match on, I’m not going to sit there for 90 minutes watching it. Unless I’m at work.

Being around someone who doesn’t know soccer but still is intensely watching it, annoys the shit out of me. “Ohhhhh, so close!“. Ummm, what? Yes, the player was in close proximity to the goal and/or goal keeper while kicking to ball wide of said goal or straight to the said goal keeper. What you failed to notice, since you don’t know jack shit, is that the before mentioned player attempting this “oh, so close” goal was around “oh, so” 20 fucking feet offsides. I know, I know. You just learned what offsides in hockey is last season but, I’m afraid to inform you, it’s a little different in soccer. So, next time that you think something exciting is happening, just yell out, “Ohhhh, I got no fucking clue what I’m ‘ohh’ing about!” That way I don’t have to turn around and repeat my “What a moron.” thought.

Speaking of morons. Listening to you people around me, discussing a game you just watched or possibly only saw highlights of, really urks me, as well. You’ve just plagiarized the sports caster that I just listened to ten minutes ago. Trust me, you’re not going to come at me with some personal incite, divine wisdom or even an original thought. From now on you’re only allowed to say, “Man, I wish team ZXY would had won.” I’ll reply back with something witty, you’ll laugh and I’ll go back to my life.

Vuvuzela? OK, stop saying that word. You didn’t know what it was prior to the South African World Cup. And if you did, you’re a big fat liar. I know you’re lying because I didn’t know that it had a name. I knew of the noise. I could picture it in my head. People with painted faces, a flag tied around there neck like a cape, blowing a long plastic horn. The only thing more annoying than the buzzing noise it creates is the obvious facts they you drop about them. “They sound like a swarm of bees.” Yes, I heard both sounds before and didn’t need your intelligence to connect the dots. “You could chug beer out of one.” Wait, what? There are two holes in it? You’re a genius.

I’m just saying. Off all the numerous conversations pertaining to sport that I’ve participated in, I’ve never been asked, “What’s your favorite MSL team?” After the allure of the World Cup wears off, I’m pretty confident I still won’t be asked.

First the rumor was NYC. Kincks. Then the mention of Jzy-Z owning the Nets. Jay-Z owns like 1% of the team. I guesstimated that the Nets were worth $400M. I wasn’t off by much, $325M, according to Forbes. So, rumors of LeBron playing for Jay-Z and the new New “York” Nets. If the move, change the team name, etc…

So when MJ was asked where LeBron should play, he said Washington D.C. No, not really. He said Chicago. I don’t know if he elabrated on his thoughts. The online article was like 5 pages long and I don’t scroll down much. Sooo, yeah, Chicago.

Then in an interview Marv Albert had to Obama, the President dropped his opinion on where he thought LeBron should play next. Shocker he said, “Chicago”. The second thing I got from the Obama interview? Yea, I didn’t know there was a tennis court in the front yard of the White House.

Speaking of interviews, Larry King spoke with LeBron. Not as good as Larry and Snoop eating at Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles but… Larry asked if Cleveland had a chance of getting him back. Cleveland only has a chance because I assume he feels comfortable there.

Other rumors of Phil Jackson returning to Chicago. Jordan, Kobe and possible LeBron? Geez, that’s a hard knock life.

So here’s my open letter to LeBron. Go… to… CHICAGO! There only a handful of respected NBA franchises. Boston, the Knicks, the Lakers, Chicago, Detriot and the 76ers. L.A. and Boston don’t need you and the rest are pooh-pooh teams. You could go to the highest paying team but is money really worth it? Did I just ask that? Yes, I did. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble making an ass load of endorsement money. The Bulls are the closest team other there that one star player away from making the finals. It’s a young team and will only get better in the next three or so years. If you want to win, you know where to go.

I found this web site the other day called “Send LeBron to Chicago”. It’s a grass roots campaign to get his attention. Check it out. They even put up a billboard in Chicago.  http://sendlebrontochicago.com/ I also thought to myself the other day, “If he does end up in Chicago, they aren’t going to let him wear No. 23. Didn’t he wanna change his number to 6 or something? Maybe he’ll wear No. 6″. Then I see this photoshoped picture of LeBron in a No. 6 Bulls jersey on “Send LeBron to Chicago”, crazy.

Chat Subject: FiOS Billing Question
Your Question: I was double charged for my FiOS Internet this month. $74 instead of $37.
A Verizon eCenter Representative will be with you shortly. Thank you. (17:19:20)
17:28:46 We apologize for the delay.You are next in the line. A representative will be with you shortly.

OK. Cool. I’ll just wait here and do other things, rather than pressing a phone to the side of my head, that usually cause sweaty ear syndrome. Plus there’s this nifty little countdown of what place I was in queue. Looks like Verizon has got it’s shit together. Can you hear me now? Ha, ha! Oh hum, lets continue, shall we?

Agent Patricia has joined. (17:28:56)
Patricia : Chat ID for this session is <some randomly generated number>. (17:28:56)

Sweet, an agent. Took almost ten minutes but it’s 5PM. I assume they might be a tad bit busy around this time of day. Annnnd, a minute rolls by. Not a peep. So, I give this pick-up line a whirl.

Boofer(17:30:13): hello?

Smooth aren’t I? Meh, I got nothing. Not until 20 more seconds later at least. Then I get this…

Patricia (17:30:33): Hello. Thank you for visiting our chat service. I will be happy to help you today. Do you have your account number please and I will be happy to check for you.

Well, that didn’t looked scripted. It must be Patricia’s first day on the job. Still getting use to that fancy keyboard. Damn you, QWERTY!

Boofer(17:30:50): <some stupid assigned number given to me a long time ago>
Patricia(17:32:41): One moment while I check for you.

Hey! She was paying attention this time. I mean, Hey! Tow minutes later she was paying attention this time.

Now, she’s going to “check for me”. Translation: she’s going to close out all those pesky windows that hide the desktop, since that’s the true way to navigate an operating system, and then double click that “billing program” icon like twelve times. If at first it doesn’t succeed, try, try again. And again. And again. That’s how computers work. If it looks like it’s doing nothing, you’re correct, it isn’t. Click, asset, repeat. I should write “Help Desk Support for Dummies”.

Looking back, I guess it all makes sense now. When people use to ask, “Wow, got enough windows open?” Umm, yea, I’m using them. It’s called multitasking. I listed it on my resume and everything. Well, I mean, it makes perfect sense to close out your browser window to get to the desktop to re-open your browser to view a different website. OK, Patricia’s back.

Patricia(17:35:56): I have checked your bills and last month you were billed for February 13th thru march 12. This month you were billed March 13th thru April 12th and April 13th thru May 12th. I can align you bill cycles so you will receive 30 billing at a time for future billing.
Patricia(17:36:33): In February you had no internet charges on your bill.

Honestly. I didn’t even bother to read or make sense of her first I.M. there. I hate doing mid month math. It even throws me when I’m watching Judge Judy and they talk about time frames. Just tell me the starting date and duration. I’ll do the math at a later date if necessary. Then I read her second I.M. I kinda remember getting away with something like that but I never bragged about it. So, I had to go double check her accusation.

Boofer(17:39:42): and I was charged twice in Jan?
Boofer(17:39:59): hence I wasnt charged in Feb

Oh snap! In your face… Pat! Wanna tell me one thing but TOTALLY not look at the month before… like I did… review all them facts, bitch!

Patricia(17:45:42): You need to contact the internet billing group at <some 800 number> so they can go over each bill with you and which bill cycle they billed you for on each bill.

Wait, what? I don’t wanna go over each bill with a fucking fine tooth comb. Nor, do I wanna call anyone. This is why I’m “Live Chat”ting with a Verizon representative. Cheese ‘n rice! So I politely say…

Boofer(17:47:43): perfect, i’m sorry this to difficult for you to handle, thanks for taking five minutes for each question to NOT help me.

I got no idea how she’d respond to this, I assumed with some pre-scripted bullshit. It’d be funny if she started some flame war with me.

Patricia(17:55:45): I am sorry I couldnt assist you any further. I had to review bills for several months to give the answers to you as I am not in the Internet billing group and had to manually go page and line by line thru each bill. The internet group are better able to assist you.
Patricia(17:55:56): Thank you for chatting with us. I hope I have resolved your reason for contacting us today. If you have any additional questions, please do not hesitate to contact us again. Please complete the survey at the conclusion of this chat. We appreciate your feedback.

Well, that was worth the 45 minutes. Granted I wasn’t on the phone at all but, I was under the impression I was going to be provided a service. You know, since I provide them with money once a month. Apparently more some months than others. And that line about “I am not in the Internet billing group“, then how the fuck did I get stuck chatting with you? The website asked me specifically, what department, what topic. Alos. funny thing about checking my own bill, I too had it in an itemized fashion. Making me read and shit. Besides, the Internet group would be better to assist me? Oh right, PDF format. Stupid me.

Don’t get me started on that “I hope I have resolved your reason for contacting us today” comment, ha! Yes, again, scripted but, you think you would have different closer if you were to of no use to anyone.

Obviously there’s a lesson to be learned today. Females aren’t good with numbers, and who let Patricia out of the kitchen this morning? No, no, I kid. I guess I meant, before starting an internet dialog with any help desk rep, you should A) confirm that they are familiar with said topic, and B) ask the question, “Are you slow or something?” You don’t wanna waste any precious company time waiting for nothing. Especially when it could be better spent perusing zany YouTube clips.

In years past, April hasn’t been referred to as a “sports month” in the District either. There’s no football going on, minus rumors. The Wizards usually aren’t in any post season contention. The Nationals, while still new to the area, aren’t topping the headlines themselves. The United are in just kicking off their season too but, no one will realize that until October.

And then there’s the Capitals. Who are pretty much always good for a Eastern Conference Quarterfinals loss ever since, well, since the Eastern Conference was formed. I’m used to them losing in the Patrick Division Semifinals.

Which brings me to my point. All you bandwagon Caps fans are annoying. Almost as annoying as a Cowboys or Steelers fan. Just about as annoying as a drunk Redskins fan at the beginning of the year yelling about being Super Bowl bound.

Why did I associate Caps fans to NFL fans? Because that’s what THEY understand. They’ve never come across a bunch of stupid Pens fan, all wearing Lemieux jerseys. Scratch that, it’s Crosby jerseys now-a-days. They never had to listen to some moron talk about how great Eric Lindros is. By the way, where the fuck is his? Retired, November 2007. Thanks Google. I could go on and on, but I won’t.

There seems to be a shit load of “Caps fans” that weren’t around six months ago.

Now I have to listen to idiots talk about how they think the Caps are just going to sweep the playoff. Ummm, that’s not how hockey works. The 2009-2010 Caps aren’t the 1992 USA Olympic Dream Team. If you sleep on another NHL team thinking your record proves your the best in the league, you’re gonna lose. Which is what happened Game 1 vs Montreal.

Then I hear, “They just need to come out strong this next game and score first.” Really, thanks for you in depth professional analyst of the keys to the game, Don Cherry. Why do you say that? Did you hear it on the radio? Did it sound smart then? Because it doesn’t now. What team says, “OK, we should just go out there and play soft for the first two periods. Let them score first. It doesn’t matter to us. I know we rather try to make a comeback from a four goal deficit. Then, and only then, we’ll have them right where we want them”.

I know you’re not a hockey fan. Stop acting like you know what you’re talking about. You just look stupid. Or, umm, more stupid. Case in point:

Some D-bag bragging to his friends: “We got umm, Green, Backstrom, ummm Semin. Ummm, Ovie of course.”
< Then I barge in.>
Me: “Who were their goalies last year?”
D-bag: “Varlamov and Theodore.”
Me: “Oh yeah. How long have they been on the team?”
D-bag: “For like, umm, 3 years.”
Me: “Oh. So. Varly wasn’t a rookie last year?”
D-bag: “Oh, i’m not sure, maybe he was.”
Me: “And last year wasn’t Theo’s first year in DC because they signed Huet the year before that and he wasn’t all that great.”

I don’t remember what he said after that, I just wanted to chime in to cease the conversation.

Yes, I get it. You wanna be apart of something special going on in the city. I get it. That’s fine. Enjoy watching it happen. Watching. Not talking. Watching. Just because someone had to explain what Icing is to you doesn’t make you an expert. Next time you find yourself out and about, possibly drinking, and you feel the need to blurt out a comment about hockey that you’ve only overheard by a person who gets paid to talk about sports, don’t. Save your energy. You’re definitely going to need it in September, when you start riding on the coat-tails of the past <insert your favorite NFL team here> Super Bowls. Unless you’re a Browns, Texans, Jags or Lions fan. No Super Bowls for you. One year!

In closing, the Capstronaut is stupid.

I saw this next video on St. Louis Game Time, a Blues fan site I didn’t link to because I know no one I know would ever care to read anything on that site. The clip is 4 minutes long but it’s TOTALLY worth it. If there’s anything you witness in your life, wait for the 1:18 time mark. Now THAT’s a hockey fight. That’s how I remember fights playing out when I was younger. And you never see bench clearing fights anymore, only because the penalties for jumping over the bench are a lot harsher these days.

One last video, just to tide you over before switch over to YouTube searching for “hockey fights”. This is the only reason I own a Fylers jersey. When everyone else wanted to “be like Mike”, I wanted to be like Ron… Hextall, not Jeremy. Enjoy.

Rock’em Sock’em Goailes!

First off, I’m only going to mention Crosby now to tell you I’m not going to talk or compare him to Ovie. I’ve disliked the Penguins since the Patrick Division. It killed me to root for the Red Wings during the 2008–09 Stanley Cup finals. It was like cheering the Cowboys on the beat the Patriots. Lesser of the two evils. And I think Crosby is a vagina and wears blush… on purpose. Crybaby was just LUCKY enough to be on Pens and Canada teams that won. I giant case of right place, right time. Not skill. That being said.

Goal scoring. Can Alex score? Yes. Can he make it look easy? Yes. Is it Art Ross Trophy worthy? Comparably yes. Is it holy crap, record shattering, crazy amounts of goals. No. The single season record is 92 goals. And year it was Gretzky. 50+ goals in a regular season is top dog stats in the NHL but, to be an elite, no doubt about it, #1 player you need to have multiple 65+ seasons. That puts you in the same likes as Grekzty (92,87,73,71,62), Hull (86,72,70) and Lemieux(85,70,69,69). Well, yes Gretzky has played 22 seasons but his 92 goal season happened in his 4th year. It took Hull until his 2nd full season to jump on his three year 70+ season streak. It’s not how pretty the goal is. It’s about how many time you’ve rippled the twine. Squeaking out a few more that someone else in the league doesn’t scream #1 in the world. He needs to start breaking out some 70+ seasons.

Positioning. Alex plays left wing. Hull and Lemieux played right wing and Gretzky played center. You could try to argue that, if you didn’t know about hockey, that the center gets more touches/opportunities to score. While in theory that should be correct, Gretzky stood in his “office” all the time (behind the net, if you didn’t know). Plus, the setup plays created these days are just as elaborate that NBA plays. They fed Alex the puck for one timers all the time. I would like to see the weave implemented though. One thing I think that has helped Ovie out a lot, the 2005 rule saying the center line is no longer used to determine a two-line pass. Ironically that was put in place just in time for Alex to join the league and cherry pick all game long. You can’t tell me he doesn’t do it. He’s circles there, like a vulture, between the blue line and center line. I see it with my two eyes, you see it with your two eyes. You can’t deny it. And if you still feel the need to still deny it, PLEASE explain to me what kind of defense defends the neutral zone when the puck is in the corner boards. He’s getting the jump on breakaways, 1-on-1’s, 2-on-1’s. Leading to more goal scorer’s goals vs other leading goal player who only get their goals off tip-ins. If he doesn’t cherry pick, he’s just a fancy 25+ goal scorer, which is a league average forward.

Decision making. I’m not talking about when to shoot or pass. I’m talking about when you should throw out a leg to sneak a trip but accidentally go knee-to-knee with an opposing player and get suspended for 2 games. I’m talking about when you skate buy a dropped stick, and you KNOW it’s a penalty if you even touch it, but you tap it three feet away from the defender and get called for interference. I’m talking about feeling the need to make contact with another player 6 feet from the boards. I’m not saying to was a dirty hit, I’m saying it was unnecessary. Re-watch the play. If he had just passed the defender and gone to the corner, he thrown a big hit there and possibly won possession of the puck. I’m all about hitting. There should be more. The should be harder. The should have to replace the glass along the boards more often. Knowing when not to do something stupid is just not a thought process Ovie possesses.

Leadership. Ovie just had the “C” sewn on his jersey, only for the fact that the previous captain Chris Clark was traded away. I didn’t think his was the obvious choice for captain. I really didn’t think he was going to be named the next captain. He doesn’t really make other players better on the ice. He does draw a ton of attention and focus to himself allowing other teammates to play to their potential. But as for boosting everyone elses’ skills, that doesn’t happen. He kinda over shadows the skill set of others on the ice with him. Ovie goes out on suspension and the team plays like they don’t need him. Even the head coach Coach Bruce Boudreau said that Ovechkin’s style of play was at times “reckless”. He is like a bull in a china shop when he plays. Is that the leadership style that you want your captain to have? Is that the actions of a #1 player?

Role modeling. For example, Tiger. Best golfer in the world. Had is issues off the course. Still the best golfer though. My point is if you had a child playing golf, you’d like him to be like Tiger the golfer and not Tiger the person. All of Ovie antics and shenanigans have happened on the ice. Would you want you kid to play like Alex the hockey player? He’s not really a goon or a dirty player. Sure, he’s flashing and fun to watch but, his actions no make people question if he’s MVP worthy. Scoring a bunch of goals, winning the Cup and snagging MVP doesn’t make you #1. It obviously helps the argument but doesn’t solidify it.

I not making an argument that someone else is #1. I’m just saying that he’s maybe not #1 yet.

Admiral Ackbar — the Supreme Commander of the Rebel Alliance fleet — is one step closer to becoming the new on-field mascot for the University of Mississippi.

Ole Miss is in the middle of a movement to replace their old mascot — Colonel Reb — after the school decided they wanted to update their image.

Tuesday, the students voted in favor of crowning a new mascot to represent Rebel Nation … and the favorite so far is none other than the most famous Mon Calamari in the entire universe.

Several pro-Ackbar websites have recently emerged — making the Admiral the heavy favorite. The University tells us the decision on the mascot is entirely in the hands of the student mascot committee. The University will hold a vote in the near future — we’ll keep you updated.